if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
