awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
