My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
