So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
