your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
