I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
