I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
