Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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