So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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