Just fell off a train. Bad.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
