Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize