Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
