party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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