I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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