do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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