I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
