they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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