Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
