You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
