You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
