I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
