his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
