I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
