If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize