I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
