Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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