either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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