i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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