fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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