I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
