They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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