my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
