So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
