this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize