I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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