so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
