I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
