She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
