perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
