God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
