im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
