there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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