I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the condom got lost in my hair
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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