just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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