Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
