I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
