She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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