She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
