If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
