Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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