as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
