dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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