You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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