somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
