my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
