It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
