A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
