i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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