i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
