Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
