she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
