well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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