Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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