I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
NoShamevember. You game?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
