Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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