Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
