its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
