I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
