Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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