You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
