I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
