I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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