if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
