Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
