At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
