i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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