we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
